Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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