I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
