I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
