New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
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