The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
