am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Say something about gay babies.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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