Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
