dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
