iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
