We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
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