we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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