So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Randomize
