i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
