The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Randomize
