am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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