I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
