I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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