Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
