I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
