Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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