well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
