I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
