Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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