So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Just high enough for therapy.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
its liver damage thursday
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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