So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
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