even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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