It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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