I wish they made helmets for livers.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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