Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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