im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
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