then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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