apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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