I skipped work to stalk him.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
