My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
