I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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