high people should be assigned attendants
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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