also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
We don't watch enough power rangers
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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