Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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