either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
