I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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