There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Randomize
