i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
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