Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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