I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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