he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
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i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
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Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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