guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
