The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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