2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
