Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
