I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
