He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Randomize
