It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
