There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
