1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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