I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
