By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
