Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
