I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
