Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
