Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
