i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
