I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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