I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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