i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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