so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
