I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
