I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
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my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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